The Gift of Setting Yourself Free

“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” – Lewis B. Smedes

Negative emotions consume you.  They keep you from experiencing the good you desire, the good that is rightfully yours. Stored up negative emotions of anger, regret, resentment, and sorrow can keep you stuck in the past; dwelling on the past can adversely affect your health, and your life.  Unless you let it go.

Choose to forgive.

Your mind is wandering now. You’re thinking, “Why should I forgive her? She said some pretty cruel things about me and I did nothing wrong.”

Drifting through the past, you say to yourself, “He cheated on me. Why should I forgive him?”

Bad memories of your childhood surface as you argue, “My father abandoned me!  He doesn’t deserve my forgiveness.”

And I say to you, “It’s not about them. It’s about you.”

When you consciously choose the act of forgiveness, you release yourself from the burden of the past; from the grip those circumstances have on you. By releasing yourself of anger, pain, and resentment, you free your energy allowing you to be present in the here and now. And, that’s where your happiness is – in the here and now. When you forgive you give yourself the gift of happiness, the gift of life.

But wait. “I’m the victim here,” you say convincingly.

And I say to you, “Only if you choose to be.”

Your anger and resentment towards others is hurting YOU more than it is hurting them. They can’t feel your pain or anger. If you have been playing the role of victim, you have only tainted your life, not theirs. They have moved on.  You can move on too.  You can break the cycle by choosing forgiveness.

The truth is … I know this because I’m not perfect. I’ve been guilty of holding on to old resentments, habits and circumstances. I was stuck in negative emotions. I was, in fact, my own obstacle to living the life I wanted to live. Once I realized this and finally let it go, I found myself in a much more peaceful place.

You may think it’s your significant other, your mother-in-law, your friend, your sister or your father who created the condition you’re stuck in.  But admit it.  You have more power than you realize. Reclaim your power; don’t give it all away to someone else.

And let’s get one thing clear here. When you choose forgiveness, it doesn’t have to mean you forget. It doesn’t mean that you are in agreement with the past. It simply means that you release the burden and move on. It’s not about denying a person’s unacceptable actions; it’s not about condoning hurtful behavior. Forgiveness does not mean that you need to resume a relationship with the person who brought you pain, and it certainly doesn’t mean that you should return to (or stay in) a harmful or abusive relationship. Forgiveness is about taking your lessons with you, as you move on with your life.  It’s about releasing yourself and others from emotional debts and obligations.

You can continue to hold on to the past. You can grasp tightly to the pain and resentment. You can choose to be angry and miserable.  Nobody’s stopping you.

And I say to you, “It’s just not worth it.  Let it go.  Put yourself back in the driver’s seat.”

When you choose to forgive, you are choosing to live in a peaceful state of mind. You are ridding yourself of old destructive thought patterns. Forgiveness is recognizing that everyone is doing their best given the combination of childhood nurturing, conditions, and interpretations of their life experiences.

The true miracle of forgiveness takes place on the inside, with an inner shift.  But the results of this inner shift will be seen in incredible ways through external situations once you choose forgiveness.   It is a choice that frees you to live your life fully…in joy and in peace.

THE BURDEN:  A Short Story of Forgiveness

Two monks were returning to the monastery in the evening. It had rained and there were puddles of water on the roadsides. At one place a beautiful young woman was standing unable to walk across because of a puddle of water. The elder of the two monks went up to her, lifted her and left her on the other side of the road, and continued his way to the monastery.

In the evening the younger monk came to the elder monk and said, “Sir, as monks, we cannot touch a woman.”

The elder monk answered, “Yes, brother.”

Then the younger monk asks, “But then Sir, why is it that you lifted that woman on the roadside?”

The elder monk smiled at him and told him, “I left her on the other side of the road, but you are still carrying her.”

Ask yourself — What burdens are you still carrying? Is it getting too heavy to bear?

In the study of Metaphysics, I’ve learned an empowering lesson. LIFE IS ALWAYS FOR US, NEVER AGAINST US. It is important to look for the blessing in all circumstances. Look at what the situation is calling forth from us, and then finally, release and let go. Forgive.

What memories of the past still cause you to feel pain, resentment, anger, or sadness?

What negative thoughts and emotions are you tightly hanging on to?

Who are you unwilling to forgive?

Are you angry at someone else, or perhaps angry with yourself?

Change your mind. Choose to Forgive.

Here are some helpful steps in releasing and letting go of the past.

Acknowledge your experience by being true to your feelings and recognizing your hurt, pain, anger, resentment and any fears or doubts from your experience. To do this, take a look back at your life and remember three people you haven’t been able to forgive. One of these three people could very well be yourself (it was for me). Grab your journal or a spiral notebook, and list these three people, recalling the circumstance or event, and write about your feelings, judgments, hurt, anger, pain and resentment.

Now pinpoint any part you may have had in this situation, showing yourself compassion in the process, and recognizing insights.  Your part in the situation could have been something as simple as holding on to the anger and resentment for too long.  If this is the case, ask yourself to let go of the anger now.  It no longer serves you.  Remember, you are setting yourself free in the process of forgiveness, by choosing love over fear.

Choose one of the people on your list of three, and write a letter to him/her.  This letter is not to be sent, but to help you in healing through forgiveness.  Here’s an outline to get you started:

1. Describe the event, how it caused you pain, and how it is still affecting you. I used phrases such as, “It hurt me when …,” or “I feel angry that you …,” or “I’m still feeling …”
2. Identify the part you played and any insights you have regarding the situation. Such as, “I am sorry that I …,” or “I realize my part of …,” or “I have learned that …”
3. Write about what you would like to have experienced. “I would have liked for …,” or “I deserved to …,” or “What I really wanted was …”
4. Let it go by writing about your release of this pain as if you are erasing it from your mind. “I forgive you for …,” or “I know that …,” or “I understand that …”
5. Show gratitude by recognizing how this experience has contributed to your life, or what you have learned. “I appreciate that …,” or “What you taught me was …,” or “I gained ____ from this experience.”
6.  To end your letter and complete the process of releasing and letting go, use phrases such as, “With love,” or “Sending you many blessings.” Sign your name.

When writing this letter, allow yourself to write freely. It’s for your eyes only. Grammar and punctuation doesn’t matter. Just write. Let the words flow. And, remember, you are not condoning this person’s behavior or actions. You are freeing yourself from painful negative emotions that keep you stuck in the turmoil of the past. You are choosing to tell yourself a new story through the process of forgiveness. This is for you, not them.

Finally, in this process of forgiveness, your thoughts play a huge role because your thoughts create your feelings. The power lies in changing your thoughts to create positive feelings because this shifts your energy. Once your energy is shifted, every person around you will notice the ‘new’ you.  Once you release the heavy burden you were carrying, you will understand and experience the gift of setting yourself free through the process of forgiveness.

Naysayers … Are They Your Everybody?

  

I have a dream.

It’s a quiet knowing.

It’s a burning desire in my heart to be of service to women who deal with issues such as low self-esteem, approval-seeking, self-doubt, negative thought patterns, limiting beliefs, fear and lack of self-love.

There’s a silent tugging in their heart telling them there’s a better way, an easier way.  There’s a voice inside telling them there’s a way to be happy in the now; there’s a way to change their thoughts and create better feelings.

I’ve found that way, and I want to shout it from the rooftops.  I want to contribute to the sense of worth, the success, and happiness of women who walk in the same shoes I walked in for way too long.

I believe every experience, every challenge, and every choice in my life has led me to this place.  It’s what makes my dream possible.

I’ve discovered my true path.

Being a Life Coach is my purpose.

It’s my passion.  It’s why I’m here.

But wait.

They say it’s impossible.

They say I can’t do it.

They question me behind my back with comments like, “What makes her think she can be a life coach when her life has been so screwed up?”

They plant their seeds of skepticism and doubt, and the OMG thoughts run swiftly through my mind.

Oh my God, I can’t do this!

Oh my God, I have wasted a whole year in training!

Oh my God, I’ve wasted thousands of dollars on life coaching schools!

Oh my God, what was I thinking?

Oh my God, who do I think I am?

In the blink of an eye, I have ALLOWED naysayers to convince me that my purpose in life, my true path, is just a dream I’ll never achieve.

But wait.

Who are they?

They are friends.

They are family.

But they are not my ‘everybody’.

What do they know?

They only know what’s true for them.  Not for me.

They only know their own insecurities, doubts and fear.  Not mine.

They have infiltrated my mind with their judgments only because I allowed them to do so.

I can take my power back by remembering who I am.

I can own my purpose in life.

I can follow my true path.

I can live my passion.

I can achieve my dream.

They have posed a good question. They have given me an opportunity to face my fears head on and answer the question of, “What makes me think I can be a life coach when my life has been so screwed up?”

I will answer their question by saying to them, “I can be a life coach because I have received amazing training in HOW to be a life coach.”

But wait.  That’s not all.

I will expand that answer by saying, “My life’s challenges and experiences, hence my screwed up life, has given me many gifts like compassion and empathy, which makes me successful in partnering with and supporting women who wear the shoes I once wore.   My screwed up life is the very thing that provides me with the ability to be a damn good life coach.”

It’s true.

When I worked with a life coach for weight issues, I didn’t want to work with a Barbie Doll. I wanted to partner with someone who knew the feelings of despair and worthlessness that comes with being overweight.

When I worked with a life coach relating to relationship problems, I didn’t want to work with someone who had been happily married to their high school sweetheart and experienced nothing but red roses and wine for twenty years.  I wanted to partner with someone who knew the feelings of insecurities and hopelessness that comes along with being in a bad relationship.

When I worked with a life coach on money issues, I didn’t want to work with someone with a million dollar bank account.  I wanted to partner with someone who knew the frustrations and fear that comes along with financial difficulties.

There’s nothing wrong with the challenges I’ve experienced in my life.  I’m thankful for every single one.  It’s what made me who I am today.  It’s what brought me to discovering my life’s purpose.

What do you do when you have a dream that everybody tells you is impossible?

Who are they?

Are they your everybody?

Probably not.

Martha Beck writes about The Empty Elevator, referring to it as a time when you know change is taking place in your life.  People who once hung out with you and supported you in your old patterns of behaving and thinking begin disappearing from your life, or questioning the new you.  They no longer approve of you.  This has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them.  You may notice they no longer bring you the energy you desire to have surrounding you.  If they are emptying from your elevator, it’s okay.  No worries.  It makes room for your everybody, for those who will bring you the energy you desire.  Surround yourself with these people.

I love what Barbara Stanny says, “My theory is that whenever we dare to do something different, some benevolent cosmic being sends a whole bunch of people to tell us what a dumb idea it is. These people actually perform a valuable service. They come to test our level of commitment. If you notice, the more tentative you feel, the more pessimistic they sound. If they succeed in discouraging you, be grateful. You didn’t have the moxie to make it in the first place. This is good information to have. It means you need to go back and tune up your intention or let go of what’s holding you back. On the other hand, if you’re determined to succeed in spite of these killjoys, then you most certainly will.”    

Believe in yourself.

Trust your intuition.

Find your purpose.

You are the only one who is stopping you.  They don’t have the power to steal your dreams unless you give it to them.

Define your everybody. 

Dare to Dream.

Tame & Reframe Monkey Chatter

The words we use when talking to and about ourselves are incredibly powerful and can make or break the vision and dreams we hold for our lives.

When I speak of the words we use when talking about ourselves and to ourselves, I am referring to what is commonly known as self-talk. I’ve also heard it described as gremlins in our mind. Personally, I like to call it monkey chatter.

No matter what you call it, it is the incessant chattering taking place in our minds from the time we wake up in the morning until the time we go to bed at night.  This dialogue takes place in my mind.  It takes place in your mind, and it’s persistent. It’s like the proverbial monkey on your back.  The chattering appears while cooking dinner, exercising, driving in your car, working in the office, or relaxing on the sofa.  The chattering monkey is an expert at convincing you of the absolute worst possible outcome to any circumstance you are dealing with, and he (or she) is skilled at keeping your mind tangled up in long, drawn out, exaggerated discussions.

As an example, let’s take Sherri, a fictitious young lady dealing with monkey chatter as she cooked dinner for her boyfriend.  Sherri was excited about her boyfriend coming over and was putting the final touches on a new recipe.  The monkey chatter was present, as always, while Sherri prepared dinner, but she wasn’t in touch with it as it was taking place in her mind. It went something like this:

“I am totally enjoying cooking this meal and I know he will appreciate it.“

“I bet he’s as excited as I am about tonight.” 

“This guy is the one for me.” 

“I am looking and feeling good tonight.“

“I love my life.” 

As you can see, this was all positive self-talk.  The chattering was continuous with no recognition whatsoever.

Then the phone rang. It was Sherri’s boyfriend calling to tell her he couldn’t make it.  She could barely focus on the telephone conversation.  As she quickly hung up the phone, the monkey chatter rushed through her mind. It turned to something like this:

“It doesn’t matter, this new recipe sucks anyway.” 

“I can’t cook worth a flip.” 

“He’s bored with me.”

“He’s cheating on me.” 

“I’ll never find anybody to love me.” 

“I’m just not worth a crap.” 

“Oh well, I’m too fat to date anyway.”

“I hate my life.” 

 The self-talk accelerated rapidly into the negative, taking a life of its own. The negative self-talk was coming from the same place the positive self-talk came from just a few minutes earlier – the mind.

As the chattering monkey did his thing, taking control of Sherri’s mind, he took special interest in going back into the past to search out parallel events. Sherri started thinking about last week, last month, and last year. She began making a mental list of all the great things she had done for her boyfriend and all the rotten things he had done to her. Molehills unjustifiably turned into mountains. He was suddenly selfish and taking Sherri for granted. Now Sherri had a list of complaints a mile long about her boyfriend. It had become much more inflated and disturbing than the reality of one canceled dinner date.  The monkey continued chattering as Sherri had a full-blown argument with her boyfriend – in her own mind.

This illustration shows how self-talk is THOUGHT that creates feeling (emotion).  These feelings drive your actions, and from every action you take, you get a result. In Sherri’s case, the inability to recognize the monkey chatter for what it was made it impossible to take control of the negative self-talk, causing her to experience feelings of hurt, paranoia, and anger.  In no time at all, she ruined her night by burning the dinner, crying herself into swollen, red eyes, and giving herself a sick headache.  Sherri was exhausted by the time her boyfriend called back to say his meeting ended early and he would love to come over for a glass of wine and a late dinner.

What just happened? Sherri’s lack of awareness had allowed the chattering monkey to control her mind, thoughts, feelings, actions, and the results of self-loathing that followed.

Awareness is key!

There’s nothing to worry about if you can’t shut off the self-talk.  It’s entirely normal to have what appears to be babbling going on in your mind non-stop. I picture my relentless self-talk as boisterous, unruly monkeys swinging through the neural pathways of my brain like vines in a jungle; hence, the monkey chatter.  And, I’ve found that my monkey chatter often escapes the confines of my mind, and is spoken out loud, even in the presence of others.  Some of the chatter I experience time and time again goes like this:

“I’ll never lose this extra weight.”

“I’m too old to start a new career.”

“I’m too shy to speak in front of a crowd.”

“I can’t exercise because I have Fibromyalgia.”

Keeping myself in a place of awareness empowers me to take control of my mind; to reframe the negative self-talk before it drags me into a whirlwind of foolish thoughts, undesirable feelings, and counterproductive actions that bring unwanted results.  In using the example I shared with you above, I would tame and reframe the monkey chatter by affirming the following:

“I am in the process of becoming thin and healthy.”

“I am at the perfect age to start a new business.”

“I shine when speaking in crowds.”

“I love how low-impact exercise helps my Fibromyalgia.”

Over the next few days, pay close attention to what’s going on in your mind. When the monkey starts chattering, listen to what it is saying. Is it coming from a place of negativity?  Fear?  Is it trying to sabotage you?  If so, acknowledge it.  Say, “thank you for sharing.”  Then, tell it to go sit in a corner.  If it helps, visualize the monkey in your mind.  Give it a name.  Dress it up.  Do whatever it takes to recognize and acknowledge it. 

Your monkey chatter has no power over you or your mind unless you give it that power. You have the ability to tame your monkey mind.  Stand your ground by reframing the negative self-talk into the positive before it becomes a belief that brings unwanted results into your life.

Awareness and acknowledgment is the first step. What dialogue do you hear consistently in your mind? What steps will you take to tame and reframe the monkey chatter?  Take the first step now by posting a comment sharing some of your typical monkey chatters and how you will tame and reframe it.

“The inner speech, your thoughts, can cause you to be rich or poor, loved or unloved, happy or unhappy, attractive or unattractive, powerful or weak.” – Ralph Charell

A Little About Self-Respect

Are you afraid of losing someone’s love if you stand up for yourself? Do you say to yourself, “Oh it really doesn’t matter that much. I’ll just keep quiet so she’ll LIKE me.”

I bet you have someone in mind right now.  Someone who is really good at convincing you how wrong you are when you stand up for yourself and your beliefs.

Stop for a minute.  Right now.

Give that person some love. Appreciate them.  You don’t have to pick up the phone and call them. Just thank them silently for giving you a chance to increase your personal power.

Knowing your deepest feelings and personal truth and releasing any fear associated with standing by your truth is the ultimate form of self-respect.  When you are fearful of standing up for yourself and your beliefs, you are giving power and authority to others.  Can you see how it would be difficult to respect yourself in this situation?  When you stand up for yourself you own your feelings, your power. You make yourself the authority over your life.

Think of the people you associate with on a daily basis.  Who belittles you and makes you feel bad about yourself?  Who criticizes you whenever you make a stand?   Do you tend to fold up and sit in a corner just to keep that person in your life? Are you so concerned with them ’liking’ you that you have dismissed your own feelings in favor of theirs?

There was a time in my life when I was afraid to stand up to my significant others.  It was more important to please them so I walked on eggshells as I anticipated their moods to avoid conflict. My feelings weren’t important.  I wanted them to like me.  I wanted them to stay in my life.  I wasn’t focused on respecting myself, so I never questioned the way I was treated.

I spent a good part of my life hiding my personal beliefs and innermost truth from most people in my life.  It’s easier to avoid criticism by keeping my mouth shut and allowing them to see who they want to see, as opposed to seeing the ‘real’ me.   Pleasing these people was more important than acknowledging my own feelings.   I was totally disconnected from myself because I was focused entirely on others.  I was not showing myself any kind of respect.

Is there someone in your life who you are focused on pleasing?  Is there someone in your life who persistently criticizes you?   Are you wearing a social mask afraid of what others will think of you? If so, what is this doing to your level of self-respect?  What would happen if you were to voice your innermost truth and beliefs?

Remember … you teach others how to treat you.  Don’t wait for the people in your life to treat you better or like you more.  Show yourself love and respect; others will follow suit.  Be who you are.  Own your personal truth.  If people criticize you and disrespect you, they are doing so because they do not respect themselves.  Most important, remember you get to choose who you associate with – your ‘peeps’ – your ‘everybody’ – your ‘tribe’.   Choose those who treat you well and honor you for who you REALLY are. Stand up for yourself, your beliefs, and your truth.  THAT, my friend, is self-respect!

“To free us from the expectations of others, to give us back to ourselves – there lies the great, singular power of self-respect.” ~Joan Didion

Our Greatest Ally

“You are today where your thoughts have brought you; you will be tomorrow where your thoughts take you.” - James Allen

Stop.

Just sit back.

Relax for a few minutes.

Become aware of the thoughts flowing through your mind.

How are those thoughts making you feel?  Take note.  Then come back and meet me in the next paragraph.

It is estimated, on average, the human brain produces about 70,000 thoughts a day.  With studies showing the majority of our thoughts being negative, it is important that we connect with and acknowledge our thoughts in order to weed out the bad (negative) and nurture the good (positive).  It’s also essential to understand that negative, fear-based thoughts produce lack; and positive, love-based thoughts produce abundance.

Just think. 70,000 thoughts a day!  I’m sure there are times when you wish you could just turn ALL those thoughts off as easy as you turn off the water running in your kitchen sink.  While we don’t have access to an easy-to-turn knob that will magically stop the flow of our thoughts, we do have the next best thing.  We have the ability to recognize our thoughts as a powerful, creative force responsible for what we manifest and experience in our lives. And with this awareness, we can control our thoughts to create a life filled with happiness, health, peace, prosperity and purpose.

When we believe a thought, we take that thought and engage in it, which generates a feeling (emotion).  Our feelings drive every action we take, and our actions produce the results showing up in our lives.   We have a thought, we feel it, we act on it, and we reap the rewards or consequences.  This is a basic law of life – cause and effect – every action has a reaction.  The good news is … it ALL starts in our mind, with a thought, and we have the power to control our mind.

The thoughts we hear over and over in our minds (even if they aren’t true) will become beliefs unless we reject them.  It’s natural to think negative, fear-based thoughts, but when we permit our minds to hold these thoughts they become beliefs.  Then, in time, we will find ourselves closing our mind to anything that doesn’t match our belief system.

As an illustration, let’s say you think a negative thought such as, life is hard and nothing ever goes right for me.  The life is hard thought relentlessly streams through your mind throughout the day – every day.  The friends you surround yourself with probably have these same thoughts because like attracts like.  So, your thought of life being hard is reinforced.  Because this thought was nurtured instead of weeded out, you have now formed a belief system that life is hard and nothing ever goes right for you.  The results you see showing up in your life will reflect your beliefs, and life will indeed be hard, nothing will go right for you.  It is cause and effect.  Even if good things come your way, it will be difficult to notice them because your mind is closed to anything other than life is hard.

Conversely, if you are in touch with and aware of your thoughts and the thought of life is hard creeps into your mind (which is natural for all of us at times); you will reject that fear-based thought and replace it with a positive, love-based thought, such as, life is an amazing adventure.

The mind doesn’t judge our thoughts, it simply accepts them.  If what you hear, see and read is always negative, the mind accepts this. These fear-based thoughts produce destructive, negative emotions.  They make us feel anxious, discouraged, doubtful, and powerless.  Acting on these fear-based thoughts and emotions will bring unwanted results every single time.  We shatter our lives by dwelling on fear-based, negative thoughts because those thoughts attract the exact circumstance we fear.

Love-based thoughts produce empowering, positive emotions.  They make us feel confident, motivated, enthused, and abundant.  When we act out of these thoughts and emotions we will see magic happening all around us.  Nurturing these thoughts and expanding upon them is a sure way to live your grandest vision.

Our strength comes from knowing we can change our mind in an instant.  We can, in a moment, switch the flow of our thoughts from unhappy to happy, from negative to positive, from fear to love.  We must give attention to what we hear and what we think; and watch the thoughts that are fed to us by others.  No matter what we have believed or accepted as true in the past, we must reject those fear-based thoughts, and accept only positive thoughts based in love.  When we are focused on nurturing only those love-based thoughts, we will see miracles in our lives; our desires will manifest into our reality.

If you stopped to take note of your thoughts and feelings before reading this post, what were you thinking?  How did those thoughts make you feel?  What action did you want to take as a result of how you felt?  What kind of results would you have gotten from taking those actions?  What are your thoughts right now?  They never stop.  They’re flowing through your mind – all the time.  The key is to become keenly aware of your thoughts, and reframe the negative into positive.  Our greatest ally is a controlled mind.

 

A note to my readers:  Becoming aware of my thoughts was the first step to incredible results!  My attitude and life is dramatically changing as I continue to control my mind by shifting the negative, fear-based thoughts to the positive.  I am empowered with feelings of optimism and joy.  Our thoughts truly do define our reality, and because this subject is so fascinating to me, I will be posting more articles in the series of Our Greatest Ally.  If you’re interested in learning how to shift negative thoughts, the difference between a circumstance and a thought, the importance of finding better-feeling thoughts, and more, feel free to follow me or subscribe to my blog via email.   It’s within our power to have a better tomorrow!

Blossom and Thrive

The lotus flower, a powerful spiritual symbol, begins its life as a small flower in the dark, muddy depths of a pond.  The lotus flower struggles in its growth as it emerges from the murky water and blooms into a magnificent flower where it lives the rest of its life in the fresh air and sunlight.   

As we begin our journey of awakening to the spiritual reality of life, the impurities of our thinking gradually begins to fade, and much like the lotus flower, we break through the muck and darkness in our life as we rise to a higher state of consciousness.   It’s not easy at first, but the closer we get to enlightenment, the more peaceful we become.  As we continue to expand in our awareness, our thoughts, feelings, deeds, environment, relationships, and wellbeing will transform into a state of superb purpose, prosperity and bliss.

Like the lotus flower, nobody can push us or get us through the darkness and sludge. But the closer we get to the surface, the more strength we gain as we soar higher and higher.  The journey is our own responsibility; our surroundings (and people) can either encourage us or obstruct our progress.  Therefore, it’s best to make a conscious decision to associate with inspiring, supportive people as you embark on a journey of personal growth and spiritual enlightenment.  

Keep the beauty of the lotus flower in mind as you emerge from the external struggle of mediocrity to attain a life of magnificence and bliss.   You have a golden opportunity to blossom and thrive.  Ask yourself, why not? Why not me? Why not now?

 ”A man sooner or later discovers that he is the master-gardener of his soul, the director of his life.”  – James Allen

Reclaim Your Power

Naturally, we assume it is our responsibility to teach our children the ways of the world, lead by example, and share the great wisdom of our life experiences.  So, what do we do when it is our child who enlightens us?  We listen. We learn.

I’m often amazed at the deep wisdom my 19-year-old son, Chris, reveals to me time and time again.  Here I am with thirty years on him, but not a day wiser. It makes one speculate that we are all somehow born on different levels of consciousness.  Some of us don’t seem to have a clue how to get out of the struggle of life, and some of us use every means we can to keep ourselves in a ‘feel good’ vibe where we can thrive rather than survive.  Then there are those who seem to just naturally thrive and flourish.  In watching Chris over the years, it’s as if he was born with an instinctive knowledge and understanding of how life works on a deep spiritual level.  I marvel at the way he lives, effortlessly, as a deliberate creator in his life.

Just recently, Chris enlightened me (again) when he traveled out-of-town for a long weekend.  As I’m sure every mother knows, when we are used to our kids being safe and sound in the room next to ours, it causes a bit of late night anxiety when they aren’t sleeping in the nest for a few days.

Thank goodness for texting, which come in handy with calming down a worried mom!  How did my mother get through without standing on her head when I disappeared on weekends with no method of communication?  Of course, just because we have the advantage of cell phones doesn’t always mean we get responses when checking on the safety of our kids.  What goes around comes around.  I always thought if I knew I was okay, my mom would know I was okay, and I’m now standing in the opposite pair of shoes as my son seems to think I know he’s okay if he knows he’s okay. 

In an attempt to relax my anxiety and reassure myself Chris would keep in touch with me while out-of-town, I pleaded with him, as he hurried out the door, “Please stay in touch and reply when I text you.”

It didn’t seem to be sinking in, so I changed my tone and continued, “Chris, don’t make me worry all weekend, and don’t make me get my tummy all tied up in a knot of nerves!”  That time he heard me.

Chris turned around in his usual happy-go-lucky manner, grinning like a Cheshire cat, and said, “Mom, I don’t make you worry; you make yourself worry.”

Laughing, he continued his sermon, “Nobody can make you feel anything you feel.  You’re the only one who can control what you feel, so make a different choice.”  And there it was, my big ‘aha’ moment!

In all his wondrous wisdom, Chris was absolutely right.  Again.  There is not one of us who can be hurt by anyone other than ourselves.  There is nobody who can make us feel a certain way without us deciding to allow it because it is an experience we create internally.  We may not have any control whatsoever in what is happening around us, but we can certainly control our thoughts about it.

Living in a reactive state is living life in default, which demonstrates we think we have no control over our life.  Living in a proactive state expresses our understanding that we DO have control, which puts us into a space of deliberately creating our life.

We can choose to change our thoughts about anything at all, and we can decide how we are going to feel about any situation.  I decided to let go of that gnawing feeling of worry when the grinning Cheshire cat left for the weekend.  It saved my tummy from knots, and my son and I both had a fantastic weekend (although it was unusually quiet around the house)!

How will you CHOOSE to feel today?  If you have given your power away to someone else, RECLAIM IT.   YOU get to decide how YOU feel.  

 

If you are interested in discovering more about deliberate creation, check out Good Vibe University.  It’s a fun place to learn all about law of attraction, and it’s filled with amazing deliberate creators.  

Click Here:  Good Vibe University

Just Stop It!

Have you ever had one of those days when it seemed everything was going wrong and your mantra for the day turned into, “I should have just stayed in bed with the covers over my head?” I sure have!  What’s really cool is that I finally realize I have the power within me to stop it on a dime!  And, guess what … you have that same personal power!

Let’s take yesterday for example. I woke up out of a dead sleep, grumbling and ranting to myself, as I realized my alarm didn’t go off.  “Oh great, now I’ll be late for my appointment.  Fine day this is going to be.”  Sarcasm is one of virtues.

My feet hadn’t even touched the floor yet and already my mood was icky enough to ruin my entire day. I scurried into the bathroom to take a quick shower, and as I slammed the door I caught the bottom corner of the door between my toes and nearly ripped them off my foot. As I hopped around on one foot, the fury ran through my blood like hot lava, as I moaned, “Well this is going to be a terrible day. I might as well give up now!”

Then, I had my big ‘a-ha’ moment. I looked in the mirror and said out loud, “Just stop it!” At that moment, the day got better.  If I had CHOSEN to keep on with the thoughts and feelings I was experiencing, my day would surely have gone from bad to worse.  The dominos would have continued to fall in a direction I didn’t want to go.  I would have burned my toast, spilled my coffee, stabbed myself in the eye with my mascara wand, and after I finally got out of my house in one piece, I would have gotten stuck in traffic.

How do I know all of those things would have happened? I know because I’ve experienced it so many times before (and based on what I see on Facebook on a daily basis, everybody else has experienced the ‘bad to worse’ kind of days too). When it rains, it pours. Bet you’ve never said that!

Why does it seem that bad goes to worse on days like this?  This happens because, with your thoughts and feelings, you create your day to play out this way – all negative. In my case, I sent out that ‘vibe’ (feeling) of doom when I first opened my eyes and began ranting under my breath before my feet even hit the floor. With my thoughts and feelings I had set myself up to get back exactly what I was sending out.  That’s the way the Universal Law of Attraction works. It finds the ‘vibes’ you send out, matches those vibes, and returns them right back to you!  And, one thing to be sure of, the Law of Attraction is ALWAYS at work, whether you know it or not.

So before the rain started pouring, I CHOSE to reframe my thoughts and adjust the negative ‘vibes’ (feelings) I was sending out to the Universe! I simply said to myself, “Just stop it!”  I stopped dashing around the house in a big hurry as if the world was going to end if I was late to my appointment, and I made a phone call to postpone it.  I chose to respond rather than react.  And, I turned the grimace on my face to a grin as I reminded myself that I am a powerful, deliberate creator in my life.  Yesterday ended up to be a fantastic day!   And, I find that if I set my intentions for the day while having my morning coffee, things unfold as planned – in a positive manner.

What kind of day will you choose to have today?  Feel free to set the wheels in motion by posting your intentions here.  Just click “leave a comment”, and enjoy your day!

Need a good laugh?  Check out this short video clip …

 

 

 

What are you waiting for? Get Happy!

“It isn’t what you have, or who you are, or where you are, or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about.” – Dale Carnegie

One thing’s for sure … on the day I hop on the scale and see that magical number flashing, I will be thrilled … ecstatic! It will be a day of sheer joy! When that number actually materializes on my digital scale, I will do the happy dance to the point of collapse. Pure exhilaration! YAY! Then I can go to the lake and fish with my son. Then I can go on weekend getaways. Then I can cultivate friendships and have a social life. Then I can stop worrying about being invited to a party. Then I can get that French manicure I’ve been wanting. Then I can be ME. Then I can be happy!

Why do we postpone being happy? I mean really … who does this, and why? We postpone the FEELING of being worthy, deserving and complete until we accomplish whatever it is we are looking to accomplish. We choose to brush-off the happy ‘vibe’ until we get to where we’re going. We say, “Oh I’ll feel happy when I lose the weight, get the promotion, buy the new house, or reel in Mr. Right.” But, what we don’t realize is that we won’t get to where we’re going until we are in alignment with where it is we want to be. Whew, that was a mouthful! What I mean is …. when we get into the happy feeling in anticipation of what’s coming our way, that’s when magical things start happening and we begin manifesting our desires.

 The truth is — what we really want is not the skinny body, bigger paycheck, dream home, or the tall, dark and handsome guy. What we are longing for is the FEELING of having those things or whatever else it is we desire to have in our lives. And, boy does it make it difficult to achieve any of our desires when we are out of alignment with what we desire, because it creates resistance between us and all the amazing things the Universe has to offer. So I say … get into the feeling now as if everything you desire has just landed at your feet.

Make the decision to feel the feeling you will feel if you already had the skinny body, bigger paycheck, dream home, or prince charming. Accept yourself right now as being perfect and divine. Celebrate and show gratitude for what is. Adore yourself in this very moment. And then watch how quickly things come your way! I now realize the importance of activating the feeling of worthiness at this very moment, as opposed to postponing it. Today I made a conscious decision to get happy in anticipation of all the great things coming my way, and I got that French manicure I’ve been putting off for oh so long!

What will you choose to do today to get in alignment with your dreams & desires?

What will you do today to get happy?

Dare to Confront Fear

Today I received a video via email that I normally would have deleted when I saw it was an advertisement for a clothing brand, but something stopped me just as my finger was about to stroke the delete key.  It was that little voice inside … again!  The same little voice that guides me in the right direction every time I choose to listen to it, and this time it was saying, “Click play.”  So I did. The video lasted only a minute and a half, but provided me with life changing inspiration.

I sat quietly, after watching this short video, reflecting back over all the opportunities I had missed because I was afraid to jump into the game of life.  How many times have I wanted to put on my boogie shoes and dance, but chose to just sit at a table close to the dance floor out of fear of looking ridiculous? How many times have I wanted to sing karaoke, but chose to sit in the corner out of fear of not being able to carry a tune?  How many times have I wanted to water ski, but chose to stay in the boat out of fear I’d drown?  How many times have I wanted to play in the ocean, but chose to walk on the beach out of fear of being caught in a riptide?  How many times have I wanted to accept a party invitation, but declined out of fear of not looking good enough? How many times have I wanted to submit a short story to a writing contest, but chose to put down my pen out of fear of losing?  How many times have I wanted to start a new career, but didn’t, out of fear of not bringing in enough income? 

Although I have no desire to be a ballerina or nude model as depicted in the video, fear has certainly stood in my way of living life to the fullest.  Fear stood in my way for only one reason.  I allowed it to stand there!

In the book, The Game of Life and How to Play It, Florence Scovel Shinn, when talking about a friend who was afraid to walk under a ladder, said, “If you are afraid, you are giving in to a belief in two powers, Good and Evil, instead of one. As God is absolute, there can be no opposing power, unless man makes the false law of evil for himself. To show you believe in only One Power, God, and that there is no power or reality in evil, walk under the next ladder you see.”

I have in the past given in to a belief of two powers, Good and Evil, as evidenced by my allowing fear to paralyze me and keep me from dancing, singing, playing in water, going to parties, writing, and finding my life’s purpose in my work.  I created and lived by the false law of evil. 

Recognizing now that God is absolute and there can be no opposing power, I understand there is no need to allow fear to stand in my way.  I acknowledge that fear is misdirected energy that I must redirect into faith. I now have faith in all that I desire for my life, and I check in regularly with my inner wisdom to notice if my reasons for acting are based in fear or in faith.

To quote Florence Scovel Shinn, “There is no peace or happiness for man, until he has erased all fear from the subconscious.”  So, how do I plan to overcome fear when it appears?  I will meet it head on.  I will walk up to the lion, and he will disappear.  And, speaking of lions to meet head on, I am tackling two of those beasts at this time in my life.  A new career in the form of my life coaching business, which will be launched within the next few weeks; and writing a dissertation for my Ph.D. in Metaphysical Counseling (Sedona University), which is something I never thought I could do – not even in my wildest dreams.   As I release my fears, that little voice inside gets louder and louder, inundating me with ideas and inspiration. I am empowered with faith, as I see the ferocious ’little kittens’ cower, turning to walk away from me.

 What lions are you facing? Will you give in to a belief of two powers, good and evil? Or will you choose to have faith in the One Power, God?  And remember … action is the perfect cure for fear.  What action will you take today to break through to the other side of fear?   Will you click “PLAY” in your life?

 

Here’s the video – I invite you to click play and consider its meaning.